grandparents rights to adoptive children - Adoption.com Forums

Yes, except in the few places where openness is negotiated ahead of time and required to be followed, it is up to the adoptive parents to give or not give contact. My own opinion is that if the grandparents (and other family members) are and can be safe and healthy with the child, it is only a plus in that a child cannot have too many people to love him. However, part of that may be timing also. Only the adoptive family, children, possibly a therapist can truly know if a child is ready at any given time.

I do want to say that *I* (the adoptive parent) was the one to initiate contact and openness with some of the extended family. The family, as you can imagine, was thankful. Other family members don't understand why certain family members were chosen and not others. Honestly? I could only do what I felt comfortable with based on what knowledge I had. I know there is one family member who would love to be included, but the information from the CASA during the case was disheartening at best.

We did have one family member contact us. She actually lives VERY close to us and found us quite by accident. For awhile, it was very uncomfortable and a bit freaky honestly. I can imagine this is more how the adoptive family may feel a year after adoption. In better news though, I eventually went and talked to her and it has worked out just fine. She and her family have been respectful of us. They also understand that the children don't remember they were family so they are just new acquaintances rather than "birth family."

Anyway, in the end, the child's family (the one raising them, legally responsible, etc) is the one who will likely decide whether to have contact.

An alternative (if you can't find them, they don't allow contact, etc) would be if you wrote the children sometimes, gathered special pictures, whatever else you thought was appropriate and kept those things for them until they are of age. If you find them as adults or if they search your family out, you'll have these things you gathered through the years to show how you thought of them, what your feelings were, etc. And even if that doesn't happen for whatever reason, I could see how it could be helpful for you.

Source: http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/408051-grandparents-rights-adoptive-children.html

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